The Other Side
by Cerih
Summary: Rose Tyler grieves on the other side. Takes place after Rose ends up in the alternate universe, but before Bad Wolf Bay.


Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Must keep on trying.

The Other Side

"You can't spend the rest of your life thinking about the Doctor."

"But how do I forget him?"

There did not seem to be enough tears in the world to fill the void left by the Doctor. Rose Tyler leaned against the white wall – the wall that seemed a physical manifestation of the eternity separating her from the Doctor – and wept until she had no strength left to even stand. Then she slid down to a heap against that cursed wall and continued weeping. She sobbed until there were no tears left in her and then she simply sat there, trying to remember how to breathe.

Mickey, Jackie and Pete all tried to pull her out of her grief, but she ignored them all. Eventually Pete persuaded Jackie to go with him to settle into his house. It was Mickey who remained to keep vigil by her side and, when the night brought a chill into the building, wrapped a blanket around her. When she stopped crying but still would not move, he picker her up and endured silently her protests of being taken away from the wall. He had grown strong and lean during his time in this alternate reality and he carried her out to his truck with ease. At Pete's house, which doubled as their unofficial base, he carried her to a guest room and gently eased her onto the bed. She said not a word, simply closed her eyes as tears slowly stained the pillow.

For weeks she barely got out of bed, alternating between crying and staring objects with unfocused eyes. Mickey, Jackie and Pete all spent time with her, trying to coax her about of the room, but she was nigh catatonic in her grief. While she was consumed by her sorrow for her lost love, her body completed its transformation from a teenager to a young adult. To strangers, Rose was a graceful woman, but with empty eyes. In fact, her eyes were haunted in a way that they all but matched those of the Doctor and because of that Jackie struggled to meet her daughter's gaze. She could not help but to wonder when her precious girl had grown so very old.

Even when Rose did finally attempt to resume some semblance of normal life, anything and everything could set her off. Seeing a shop assistant drop an arm of a dummy would cause her to burst into tears, as did hearing an excerpt from a Charles Dickens novel. Seeing couples walk hand in hand in the park made her out of habit reach for his hand, only to remember that he was no longer by her side. The loneliness that gripped her made her wrap her arms around her torso, as if that was the only thing stopping her from breaking into tiny pieces.

Mickey tried to suggest a few times that perhaps Rose might consider being his girlfriend again, but she was inconsolable. Besides, how could she ever date him when she was in love with the Doctor? Even if the Time Lord was forever lost to her now, she vowed never to stop loving him. Everything reminded her of him and every day her mind strayed to relive the memories they had made together. She ended up crying almost always, but often she had a smile on her face even through the tears.

Ironically, it was the very thing that almost decimated her race and separated her from the Doctor that eventually saved him. Torchwood in the alternate reality was open for business and needed more staff. While she was not a genius or technically savvy, she had spent more time travelling in space and interacting with aliens than the rest of the team put together, which made her an invaluable addition to the institute. Together with her parents and Mickey, she set to work to ensure that this Torchwood was less aggressive and less intent on advancing the cause of the British Empire than the other institute had been. They still regarded defending the Earth as their priority, but they were more about defensive rather than offensive actions. After all, there was no Doctor in this universe to come to their rescue.

The Doctor had once said that if Rose wanted to remember him somehow, she could do it by having a good life. She did not think that was possible now, for she had become just a hollow shadow of her previous self. But she swore to honour his memory by doing good. She would make Torchwood the kind of institute he would have wanted it to be. By bearing in mind his principles, she could become a better person and live a life he would be proud of. Indeed, she had always yearned for his approval and always hoped to see that pride in his eyes when she said or did the right thing. Now she never would, but perhaps through her actions, a little bit of the Doctor could watch over the alternate Earth.

Thus, Rose Tyler slowly rebuilt her life, even though her grief nearly crushed her. She still dreamed of the Doctor every night and woke up with tears in her eyes, but eventually she was able to offer a ghost of a smile when Mickey cracked a joke or when her mother talked endlessly about the baby. She was almost beginning to do okay, until the night she heard the achingly familiar voice call out her name…


End file.
